If you don’t want people to take you for granted, say goodbye to these 8 habits

We’ve all been there: that moment we realize we’re pouring our time and energy into people who don’t quite return the favor. Suddenly, we’re left feeling overlooked, underappreciated, and maybe a little frustrated.

If that resonates, it might be time to take a closer look at some habits that make us easy to take for granted. I’ve certainly had to face them head-on in my own life.

Growing up in Alaska, under those vast and silent skies, I often found solace gazing at the stars. It was a reminder of how huge the world is and how important it is not to lose yourself in the busyness of everyone else’s demands.

Back then, I was a bit of a people-pleaser. Always the “nice girl,” rarely pushing back, and definitely feeling unseen at times.

If you’re determined to stop letting people walk all over you, here are eight habits to ditch right now.

1. People-pleasing

It’s great to be kind and considerate. But if you’re always the one adjusting your schedule, offering help you don’t have time for, or bending over backwards to keep everyone else happy—take a step back.

I used to say “yes” to everything, from organizing birthday parties for colleagues to volunteering for extra chores when I didn’t even have a spare minute. Then I realized that the more I said yes, the less anyone noticed what it cost me.

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s a way of respecting your own capacity. In the words of Brené Brown: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

When you begin to love yourself enough to say no when necessary, people suddenly learn to value your time and energy.

2. Always apologizing

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “Sorry!” for things that weren’t my fault. I’d bump into a chair, say “Sorry, chair!” and realize I had no idea why those words popped out of my mouth.

Over-apologizing sends a subtle message that you believe you’re the one constantly in the wrong. Before long, people forget the line between their stuff and yours, and you end up shouldering blame for situations that have nothing to do with you.

A good trick is replacing “Sorry for…” with “Thank you for…” Instead of saying, “Sorry I’m late,” try “Thank you for waiting.” It feels different—more confident, less self-deprecating.

3. Minimizing your achievements

If someone congratulates you on completing a tough project or praises your creative idea, do you brush it off? You might think you’re being humble, but you might also be telling others, “It wasn’t worth noticing in the first place.”

I used to do this all the time. Whenever I published an article, I’d quickly move on or say, “Oh, it’s just a small piece.” But I noticed people eventually stopped acknowledging my hard work altogether. Why? Because I wasn’t acknowledging it myself.

Confidence is contagious. When you own your wins—big or small—you’re setting a tone that says, “I believe in what I do.” That’s how you teach others to believe in it, too.

4. Fear of confrontation

No one likes awkward conversations, but refusing to address the elephant in the room basically gives others the green light to ignore your feelings. Whether it’s telling a friend they crossed a line or asking your boss for clearer boundaries on your workload, confrontation can be healthy.

I remember a time in college when my roommate would always eat my snacks. I’m talking brand-new cereal boxes disappearing in a day. Instead of speaking up, I’d shrug, get a new box, and silently fume.

Guess how that worked out? It didn’t. It only stopped when I finally said, “Hey, it’s not okay that you keep taking my food.”

Direct, respectful communication builds respect. Avoiding confrontation only teaches people they can continue their behavior without consequences.

5. Sacrificing your own needs

Ever find yourself running on fumes because you’re too busy taking care of others? Maybe you’re skipping meals to finish a coworker’s report, or missing sleep to stay on the phone with a friend who’s had the same breakup drama for the tenth time.

Psychologists often talk about “compassion fatigue,” a state of emotional exhaustion that comes from giving so much of yourself. When you constantly neglect your own needs, you train people to see you as someone who doesn’t mind being depleted.

Yes, it’s beautiful to care deeply. But your well must be full before you give others a drink. Take breaks, schedule fun into your week (I love hanging out with my cat, Thistle, for a quick mental reset), and remember that your energy is a resource worth protecting.

6. Chasing external validation

It’s flattering to hear people say nice things about you. But if you’re constantly fishing for compliments or refreshing your social media to see how many likes you got, you’re handing over your power to external validation.

There’s a psychology concept called “impostor syndrome,” where you feel like a fraud, even if you’re totally qualified or talented. One of the root causes is seeking proof of worth from the outside world. The more you crave validation, the more you doubt yourself when it’s not given.

Instead, cultivate an internal measuring stick. Celebrate your own efforts before anyone else does. Seek feedback when you genuinely want to grow, not just to hear someone say, “You’re doing amazing!”

Over time, you’ll notice your sense of self-worth doesn’t wobble every time someone fails to praise you.

7. Tolerating disrespect

This can be subtle, like letting friends make jokes at your expense or brushing off a coworker’s repeated interruptions. Or it could be overt, like accepting rude comments from a partner or family member because “that’s just how they are.”

Either way, people will keep pushing that line if they realize you don’t push back. Establishing a simple phrase—“That was uncalled for” or “I’m not comfortable with that”—can be enough to let others know you won’t be their doormat.

When I first started writing, I was so excited to share my ideas that I let an editor speak to me in a condescending tone. I chalked it up to “tough love.” But guess what?

Once I had enough and politely said, “I appreciate your feedback, but I’d like you to speak to me respectfully,” everything changed. Sometimes, people aren’t aware they’re crossing a line until you point it out.

8. Refusing to ask for help

I spent years trying to handle everything alone. I thought if I reached out for help, people would see me as weak or incompetent. But all I really did was burn myself out and allow others to assume I was fine with the heavier load.

Learning to ask for a hand is a form of self-respect. It shows you value your time, your mental well-being, and that you know your limits. It also reminds others that you have boundaries.

In the wise words of psychologist Albert Bandura: “People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities.” When you dare to voice your needs, you’re showing you believe you’re worthy of help. And that belief is often what keeps you from being taken for granted.

Final words

If you felt a twinge of recognition reading any of these eight habits, you’re not alone. Most of us have been there at one point or another. The good news? You’re not stuck.

By tackling these habits head-on—whether that’s setting boundaries, owning your accomplishments, or asking for help—you can begin to flip the script. People learn how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves.

And just like stargazing back home in Alaska taught me, it’s crucial to find your place in the greater expanse without letting anyone else dim your light. After all, life’s too short to be taken for granted.

Remember, start with small shifts. Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. Recognize your hard work. Speak up when something needs addressing.

And watch as people begin to see you in a whole new way. Because the moment you stop taking yourself for granted is the moment you show others they shouldn’t, either.

That’s a promise worth keeping.