10 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you have low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is a silent saboteur, sneaking into your actions without you even realizing it.

It’s like a puppet master, making you act in ways that you don’t consciously understand, all while staying hidden behind the curtain.

Having low self-esteem can cause you to do things that might not seem significant to others, but they have a big impact on your life. And the bad news? You might not even be aware you’re doing them.

Let’s shed some light on these hidden behaviors. Here are ten things you might be doing because of low self-esteem. Let’s dive in.

1) Over-apologizing

We all know someone who says ‘sorry’ a little too often.

And if you’re reading this, chances are, that person might be you.

Low self-esteem has an insidious way of making us feel like we’re always in the wrong. Like we’re constantly stepping on toes, causing inconvenience, or just not living up to expectations.

So we apologize. For everything. Even when it’s not our fault.

But here’s the reality – not everything requires an apology. And constantly saying sorry can actually undermine your self-worth, making you feel even lower.

2) Seeking validation

I remember a time when I couldn’t make a decision without running it by someone else first.

Whether it was what to wear, what to order for lunch, or even what movie to watch, I was constantly seeking validation from others.

This constant need for approval was exhausting. But at the time, I didn’t realize it was a symptom of low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can make you overly dependent on other people’s opinions. You start to believe that you can’t trust your own judgment, that you’re incapable of making the right choices.

But here’s the thing – you are capable. You are worthy. And you don’t need anyone else’s validation to prove it.

3) Negative self-talk

Ever heard of a little thing called the self-fulfilling prophecy? This is when our beliefs and expectations about ourselves can actually influence our behavior and interactions with others.

Low self-esteem can twist our internal narrative. We start to believe that we’re not good enough, smart enough or capable enough, and this negative self-talk takes over our mind.

The truth is, the human brain processes about 60,000 thoughts per day, and a whopping 80% of these thoughts are negative. That’s a lot of negativity to contend with!

Negative self-talk can be subtle or blatant, but it’s always destructive. 

4) Avoiding confrontation

Does the mere thought of confrontation make your stomach turn? You’re not alone.

Many people with low self-esteem tend to avoid conflict like the plague. They would rather keep their feelings bottled up than risk a disagreement or argument.

But here’s the thing, avoiding confrontation doesn’t eliminate the problem. It simply buries it, allowing it to fester and grow.

Confrontation can be tough, no doubt about it. But it’s also a part of life. By expressing your thoughts and feelings openly, you not only stand up for yourself but also foster healthier relationships. It’s all about finding that balance.

5) Comparing yourself to others

Ever find yourself scrolling through social media, comparing your life to the highlight reels of others? If so, you’re not alone.

Comparison is a common trap for those with low self-esteem. It’s easy to look at someone else’s life and feel like you don’t measure up.

The truth is, comparison is like quicksand. The more you indulge in it, the deeper you sink into feelings of inadequacy.

Everyone’s journey is different. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own growth and progress. You’re doing just fine.

6) Struggling to accept compliments

How do you respond when someone compliments you? If you’re anything like me, you might find yourself brushing it off or downplaying your achievements.

People with low self-esteem often struggle to accept compliments. They feel undeserving, as if there must be some mistake.

But here’s something to ponder: What if we started accepting compliments with grace, instead of deflecting them? What if we allowed ourselves to believe in our own worth?

Receiving praise can be uncomfortable, especially when you’re not used to it. But remember, a compliment is a gift. And you are deserving of that gift. So the next time someone pays you a compliment, try just saying ‘thank you’. You might be surprised by how good it feels.

7) Perfectionism

For a long time, I wore my perfectionism as a badge of honor. I thought it showed that I was dedicated, meticulous, and high-achieving.

But over time, I realized that my need for perfection was actually rooted in fear – fear of making mistakes, fear of criticism, fear of not being good enough.

Low self-esteem often fuels perfectionism. We set impossibly high standards for ourselves, believing that anything less than perfect is a failure.

But chasing perfection is exhausting and ultimately unattainable. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to be human. In fact, it’s these imperfections that make us unique and relatable.

Let’s embrace our flaws and give ourselves permission to be perfectly imperfect.

8) Overcompensating

Ever find yourself going above and beyond, even when it’s not necessary or expected?

Low self-esteem can make us feel like we constantly need to prove ourselves. As a result, we may overcompensate by working longer hours, taking on too much responsibility, or striving to be the life of the party.

While it might seem like these actions would boost your self-esteem, they often have the opposite effect. You end up stretching yourself too thin and burning out, which only reinforces feelings of inadequacy.

Instead of trying to do it all, focus on setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-care. You are enough, just as you are.

9) Tolerating poor treatment

Do you find yourself putting up with behaviour from others that you know deep down isn’t okay?

People with low self-esteem often have a high tolerance for poor treatment. They feel they don’t deserve respect or kindness, so they settle for less.

But here’s the truth – everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. If someone in your life is mistreating you, it’s okay to stand up for yourself. It’s okay to walk away.

The way others treat you is a reflection of them, not you. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than. You are worthy of respect and kindness.

10) Neglecting self-care

Do you put everyone else’s needs before your own? Do you feel guilty for taking time for yourself?

Often, people with low self-esteem neglect self-care. They feel they’re not worth the effort, or that their needs aren’t as important as others’.

But here’s the most crucial thing to understand: self-care is not selfish. It’s necessary. It’s the foundation of a healthy, happy life.

Taking care of yourself, physically and emotionally, is an act of self-love. And self-love is the most powerful antidote to low self-esteem.

So start prioritizing self-care. You are worth it.