People with poor social skills often display these 5 behaviors without realizing how they come across

I was having coffee with a friend last week when I noticed something that made me cringe.

Every time his phone buzzed, he’d immediately grab it and start scrolling, completely abandoning our conversation mid-sentence. It seemed he had no idea he was doing it, and even less awareness of how it was affecting our interaction.

Needless to say, it was off putting. 

Anyway, this got me thinking. The truth is, most people with poor social skills aren’t intentionally rude or dismissive.

They’re often genuinely trying to connect, but certain behaviors get in the way without them realizing it. These habits become so automatic that they’re invisible to the person doing them, yet glaringly obvious to everyone else.

Here are a few I have noticed. 

1. They dominate conversations

You know that person who launches into a twenty-minute story about their weekend while everyone else stands there nodding politely? They’re not trying to be selfish—they genuinely think they’re entertaining the group.

The problem is they’ve never learned to gauge social cues. They miss the subtle signs that others want to contribute: the slight lean-in, the opened mouth that closes when they keep talking, or the glazed look in someone’s eyes.

As legendary author Dale Carnegie wisely noted, “You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

These conversation monopolizers do exactly the opposite. They fill every silence and treat pauses as invitations to say more. What they don’t realize is that good conversation is like a dance—it requires give and take, not a solo performance.

2. They can’t put their phone down during social interactions

So I mentioned this one in the intro but it’s not just my old friend who does this. This behavior has become so common that psychologists coined a term for it: phubbing—phone snubbing. And according to Healthline, nearly 32% of people report being phubbed two to three times a day. 

I’d well believe it. I see it everywhere. People checking notifications while someone’s talking to them, scrolling through social media during dinner, or texting while pretending to listen. They think they’re multitasking, but what they’re actually doing is broadcasting that their phone is more interesting than the person in front of them.

The worst part? They’re almost always unaware they’re doing it. The phone habit has become so automatic that they don’t realize how often they’re dividing their attention.

But there are consequences. As LaKeisha Fleming noted in a Very Well Mind post “Phubbing has real consequences on your relationships, with research reporting that phubbing negatively affects intimacy and closeness in romantic partnerships”.

I think it’s fair to assume it has a similar effect on almost all relationships. Yet people continue this behavior, wondering why their relationships feel distant.

3. They turn every topic back to themselves

Someone mentions they’re stressed about work, and these folks immediately jump in with, “Oh, you think that’s bad? Let me tell you about my job…” They believe they’re being empathetic by sharing similar experiences, but they’re actually hijacking the conversation.

I’ve noticed this pattern in myself sometimes. The urge to relate through personal experience feels natural, even helpful.

But there’s a difference between genuine empathy and making everything about you.

What these people miss is that sometimes others just want to be heard, not one-upped. When someone shares a struggle or excitement, they’re often looking for validation or support, not a comparison.

4. They try to win instead of understand

You know those who people treat every disagreement like a debate tournament they need to win They’ll dig in their heels on the smallest points, pulling out facts and logic to prove they’re right, completely missing that the other person just wanted to share a different perspective.

I’ll be honest, I used to do this constantly in my twenties. I’d turn casual conversations about movies or politics into intellectual battles, thinking I was being smart and engaging. What I was actually doing was making people uncomfortable and defensive.

Dale Carnegie, again, captured this perfectly: “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it”. As I see it, he means when you “win” an argument, you often lose the relationship goodwill that matters more.

These argumentative types don’t realize that most social conversations aren’t about establishing truth—they’re about connection. And the irony is that by trying to prove how smart they are, they demonstrate how little they understand about human nature.

5. They overshare personal details too quickly

If you are a regular reader here, you’ll know I’m all for vulnerability. However, there’s something deeply uncomfortable about someone dumping their entire life story on you during a first meeting. 

These folks will tell you about their divorce, their therapy sessions, or their family drama within minutes of meeting you. They think they’re being authentic and open, but they’re actually violating social boundaries that exist for good reason.

Healthy relationships build intimacy gradually. There’s a natural progression from small talk to deeper conversations that happens over time. When someone skips these steps, it creates an artificial and often awkward sense of closeness.

The oversharer interprets people’s discomfort as judgment or closed-mindedness. They don’t realize that most people need to feel safe and trust someone before they’re ready for heavy emotional content.

What feels like vulnerability to them feels like emotional dumping to everyone else. The key is reading the room and matching the depth of what others are sharing.

Final thoughts

Most social skills problems aren’t about bad intentions or character flaws. They’re about awareness.

The person dominating conversations genuinely thinks they’re being engaging. The phone-checker believes they’re staying connected. The arguer thinks they’re having stimulating discussions. The oversharer thinks they’re being authentic.

But impact matters more than intent. And the gap between how we think we’re coming across and how others actually experience us can be enormous.

The good news? Once we start noticing these behaviors in ourselves, they become much easier to adjust. We can’t change what we can’t see, but awareness creates choice.