People who lack empathy frequently say 7 these phrases without realizing their impact

Empathy is a crucial human trait that allows us to understand and share the feelings of others. But not all of us have a strong grasp on it.

It’s often the case that people lacking empathy unintentionally use certain phrases without realizing their impact.

These phrases can come off as insensitive or even hurtful, without the speaker realizing their effect.

In this article, we’ll look at seven common phrases used by those who lack empathy, shedding light on their unintended consequences.

1) “It’s not a big deal”

Empathy is about understanding and validating other people’s feelings.

But when someone lacks empathy, they might dismiss how another person is feeling with a phrase like “It’s not a big deal.”

This phrase may seem innocuous, but it can have a deeply negative impact. It invalidates the other person’s feelings and experiences, making them feel as though their emotions aren’t important or justified.

The person saying it may not even realize its impact – they might think they’re helping by trivializing the issue. But in reality, they’re just demonstrating a lack of understanding and empathy.

The key is to recognize that what might seem insignificant to one person can be of great importance to another.

Remember, understanding isn’t about agreeing, it’s about recognizing and validating emotions, even if they differ from our own.

2) “I don’t see why you’re upset”

Part of being empathetic is acknowledging that we all experience things differently.

I remember a situation with a friend who was upset over a seemingly minor issue. I found myself saying, “I don’t see why you’re upset, it’s not that big of a deal.”

Immediately, I saw her face fall. She felt dismissed and unheard. I realized then that my words were not reflecting empathy but rather, my inability to understand her perspective.

This phrase can unintentionally cause harm because it implies that the feelings of the other person aren’t valid or reasonable. It comes from a place of lacking empathy or understanding.

Instead, we should strive to say things like, “Help me understand why you’re upset.” This shows that we are open to their perspective and willing to understand their emotions, even if they differ from our own.

3) “You’re too sensitive”

The phrase “You’re too sensitive” is often used when someone reacts in a way that the speaker doesn’t understand or agree with.

This phrase dismisses the person’s feelings and can make them feel like their reaction is wrong or overblown.

Interestingly, research shows that people who are often labelled as “too sensitive” may be Highly Sensitive People (HSPs).

HSPs make up about 15-20% of the population and they process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems.

Using this phrase without understanding its impact can damage relationships and hinder open communication. Instead, try to acknowledge the person’s feelings without judgement, fostering an environment where they feel safe to express themselves.

4) “Just move on”

Telling someone to “just move on” undermines the complexity of their emotions.

This phrase is often used in an attempt to help someone stop dwelling on a negative experience.

But without realizing it, saying “just move on” can convey a lack of empathy. It dismisses the other person’s need to process their emotions and experiences at their own pace.

Rather than rushing someone through their feelings, we should aim to provide a supportive environment where they can express and process their emotions.

A more empathetic response could be, “Take all the time you need, I’m here for you.”

5) “That’s just how life is”

There was a time when a personal setback left me feeling crushed and helpless. During this low point, someone close to me said, “That’s just how life is.”

While the intention might have been to comfort me by normalizing my experience, it felt like my pain was being brushed off. It felt as if they were suggesting that I should just accept what happened without allowing myself to feel upset.

This phrase can unintentionally marginalize the struggles of the person who is suffering.

Instead of offering such dismissive platitudes, an empathetic response could be something like, “I see you’re really hurting, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel this way.”

6) “You’ll get over it”

While it’s true that time can heal many wounds, telling someone “You’ll get over it” can be hurtful and dismissive.

This phrase simplifies the complexities of human emotions and experiences. It assumes a timeline for recovery, which is different for everyone.

Telling someone they’ll “get over it” does not offer comfort or understanding. Instead, it dismisses their feelings and can make them feel rushed in their healing process.

A more empathetic approach might be to say, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you whatever you need.” This validates their feelings and offers support without making assumptions about how they should cope or how long their healing should take.

7) “At least it’s not…”

Perhaps the most damaging phrase of all is “At least it’s not…”. This phrase is often used to downplay someone’s struggles by comparing them to something perceived as worse.

The problem with this phrase is that it invalidates the person’s feelings and experiences. It implies that they don’t have the right to feel upset or struggle because someone else has it worse.

Everyone’s pain and struggles are valid, no matter how they compare to others. Pain isn’t a competition, and we should never use someone else’s suffering to dismiss our own feelings or those of others.

Instead of using this phrase, try acknowledging their struggle and offering support, such as “That sounds really tough. I’m here for you.”

Final thoughts: It’s about understanding

The essence of empathy lies in understanding – understanding that we all experience and process emotions differently.

Each phrase we’ve discussed isn’t inherently bad. But the lack of understanding and empathy behind them can lead to hurt feelings and strained relationships.

Empathy isn’t about agreeing with someone or sharing their feelings. It’s about validating their experiences and emotions, acknowledging their right to feel as they do.

The journey towards empathy begins with self-awareness. By recognizing these phrases and understanding their impact, we can begin to adjust our language, fostering more empathetic and meaningful connections.

At the end of the day, it’s not about what we say, but how we make people feel. And when we choose empathy, we choose to make people feel heard, understood, and valued.