Steve Jobs said “you can’t connect the dots looking forward.” Here’s why you don’t need all the answers right now.

When I was nine, I begged my dad to let me stay up late so I could watch a lunar eclipse. I set up my plastic telescope, wrapped myself in a sleeping bag, and sat on our frosty deck in Alaska, waiting for the moon to disappear.

It felt like nothing was happening. Just a glowing rock in the sky.

Then—almost suddenly—the shadow began to slide across it. And I remember thinking: Ohhh, that’s what we were waiting for.

Sometimes life feels like that. You wait, you wonder, you squint at what’s right in front of you, and still—no answers. Just a bunch of confusing stars that don’t seem to mean much of anything… until they do.

That’s the spirit behind the quote from Steve Jobs that I think about all the time:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.”

It’s true. And yet, how many of us try so hard to map out our lives like we’re planning a cross-country road trip? Career timelines. Five-year plans. Pinterest boards labeled “My Future Life.” (I have one, too—no shame.)

But here’s the thing: not knowing doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means you’re in it.

Let’s unpack why it’s not only okay to be uncertain—but actually essential.

1. ‘Control’ is simply a comforting illusion

I used to believe that if I could just plan well enough—make the right choices, read the right books, meet the right people—I’d be able to avoid most of life’s messes.

Spoiler alert: I couldn’t.

Even when things looked planned—like the time I moved across the country for a “perfect job” that turned out to be wildly wrong for me—it never unfolded how I expected.

That’s because control is something we crave, but rarely have. Especially when it comes to timing, emotions, or other people’s decisions.

Psychologists call this the illusion of control—our tendency to overestimate how much influence we actually have over uncertain outcomes. It makes us feel safe, but it can backfire when things don’t go “according to plan.”

Trying to lock down every answer before taking a step? That’s just fear disguised as responsibility.

2. Growth doesn’t always look like progress

There was a stretch of my life where I wasn’t publishing much. I wasn’t getting promoted. I wasn’t ticking any boxes.

And I felt like a failure. Looking from the outside, I was failing. 

But internally, I was asking deeper questions. Learning how to sit with myself. Letting go of relationships that no longer fit. Reading, writing in journals, exploring the ideas I’d pushed aside in the rush to “be productive.”

Looking back, that was one of the most pivotal seasons of growth I’ve ever had

My point?

Progress isn’t always linear or obvious or measurable in a traditional sense. Sometimes it looks like stillness. Or confusion. Or breaking something down so it can be rebuilt stronger.

Einstein once said that “failure is success in progress,” and honestly? I’ve never found a more comforting truth. Just because something hasn’t bloomed yet doesn’t mean it’s not growing underground.

If you don’t have all the answers, maybe that’s because you’re not supposed to be building yet. Maybe you’re still clearing the space.

3. The best decisions often don’t feel “perfect”

We tend to want certainty before we make a move.

We want to know this career path will lead somewhere meaningful. We want to know that relationship will work out. We want to know the risk will pay off.

But most of the time? You won’t get that.

You’ll get nudges. Ideas that won’t leave you alone. Opportunities that terrify and excite you in equal measure.

And the really good decisions—at least in my experience—often come with a side of doubt. 

4. Creativity thrives in the unknown

This one’s personal. As a writer, I’ve never once known exactly where a piece would go when I started it. (This article included.)

If I tried to figure out every line ahead of time, I’d never write anything.

The same applies to life.

Not knowing what comes next gives us room to create. Room to imagine. Room to surprise ourselves.

It’s no coincidence that some of the world’s most creative breakthroughs happened during periods of ambiguity or even chaos. Experts even say that tolerance for ambiguity is a key trait in highly creative individuals.

Translation? Being okay with not knowing is more than a survival skill—it’s a superpower.

5. Meaning is revealed in hindsight

A few years ago, I ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in a decade. She asked if I still did that thing where I mapped constellations on napkins and talked about the moon for an hour too long.

I laughed and said yes, kind of.

Then I realized something: I’ve been circling the same questions since I was a kid. About the stars. The universe. What connects us. Only now I explore those things through writing, intuition, and inner awareness—not science fairs and telescopes.

Back then, I didn’t know why I was so obsessed with patterns in the sky. I just loved it. But now? It’s all part of the same thread. I just couldn’t see it until later.

So often, meaning isn’t something you find in the moment. It’s something that gets revealed as you move forward. You only understand why certain things happened when you’ve lived enough life to look back and go—ah, that’s what that was for.

6. You’re allowed to change your mind

Let’s normalize this, shall we?

You don’t have to have a “forever plan” at 25. Or 35. Or ever.

You’re allowed to want something, pursue it, then realize it’s not quite right and pivot.

In fact, you should do that. Because the more experiences you gather, the more clarity you gain. That’s how you build wisdom: not by knowing everything in advance, but by staying open enough to learn as you go.

But inconsistency isn’t a flaw. It’s growth in action.

7. The dots will connect—just not on your timeline

Sometimes I think life is like one of those old-school connect-the-dot puzzles.

You can see the dots. You just can’t always tell what the picture is.

And the worst part? You can’t skip ahead.

You have to keep showing up. Keep making choices. Keep living the questions, as the poet Rilke said, and trust that one day the answers will find you.

That job you hated? It taught you what you won’t tolerate again. That heartbreak? It helped you see your own worth. That random class you took in college for fun? It sparked an interest that eventually became your calling.

You didn’t know it at the time. You weren’t supposed to.

Final words

Here’s the truth: not having all the answers isn’t a failure. It’s part of being fully, beautifully human.

You are a living story still being written. The plot twists make sense later. The characters reveal themselves with time. And the dots? They’ll connect when they’re meant to—not before.

So if you’re in a season of not-knowing, don’t panic. Don’t rush to make sense of it all.

Just keep showing up. Keep wondering. Keep trusting the process.

The answers have a way of showing up right on time. Even if you can’t see them yet.