7 signs you’re in love with someone who’s emotionally unavailable

Ever heard the saying, “The heart wants what it wants”?

Well, let me tell you, it’s never been more accurate than when you find yourself head over heels for someone who’s emotionally unavailable. You might be asking yourself, “How did I end up here?”

Here’s the kicker.

There’s a good chance you might not even realize you’re in this situation. It can be hard to identify when our feelings cloud our judgment.

So, if you’re sitting there wondering, “Am I in love with someone who’s emotionally unavailable?” then you’re in the right place.

We’re about to dive into seven tell-tale signs that might just confirm your suspicions.

Remember, it’s not about blaming anyone. It’s about understanding better so that we can make the best choices for our emotional well-being.

Let’s get started.

1) You’re always chasing their affection

Ever feel like you’re constantly trying to win their affection? Like everything you do is aimed at getting them to notice you, appreciate you, or just show a shred of emotion towards you?

Here’s the deal.

Being in love should feel like a two-way street. You shouldn’t have to put in all the effort while they sit back and watch. If it feels like you’re always chasing their affection, then this could be a sign that they’re emotionally unavailable.

Remember, a relationship should be about mutual care and respect. If you’re the only one doing the chasing, it might be time to pause and reflect.

2) They’re hot and cold

Have you ever experienced this seesaw of emotions? One day, they’re all over you, showing you affection, making you feel special. The next day, they’re distant, aloof, and it’s like you don’t even exist.

I know what that’s like.

I remember being with someone who would shower me with attention one moment and then withdraw the next. It was confusing and emotionally draining. I was always on edge, not knowing what mood they’d be in next.

This kind of inconsistency is a common sign of emotional unavailability. It’s like they’re unable to maintain a stable emotional connection, leaving you in a constant state of uncertainty.

3) You’ve become a master at justifying their behavior

Let’s get real here.

You find yourself constantly defending their actions. Your friends raise eyebrows, question their behavior, and your response is almost automatic – “They’ve just been stressed lately,” or “You don’t understand them like I do.”

Does this sound familiar?

It’s not about painting them as a villain. But when you love someone who’s emotionally unavailable, you often find yourself making excuses for their lack of emotional depth or understanding.

In reality, you’re not helping them or yourself. You’re just reinforcing the cycle of emotional unavailability. Love should never be about justifying hurtful behavior. It should be about growth, understanding, and emotional openness.

4) You feel lonely, even when you’re with them

This one’s a tough pill to swallow.

You could be sitting right next to them, but you might as well be on different planets. The loneliness creeps in, not because you’re physically alone, but because you feel emotionally disconnected.

Despite your repeated attempts to bridge the gap, they seem distant or unresponsive. It’s as if there’s an invisible wall between you that you just can’t break down.

If being with them often leaves you feeling more alone than when you’re actually by yourself, it’s a significant indicator of emotional unavailability.

Remember, being in a relationship should make you feel more connected, not isolated.

5) They avoid discussing the future

Ever tried to bring up the “Where is this relationship going?” conversation? And, instead of a thoughtful discussion, you’re met with deflection or outright avoidance.

Here’s something you might not know.

According to psychologists, a fear of discussing the future often stems from a fear of commitment. This could be due to past traumas or unresolved issues. Whatever the reason, it’s a common trait in those who are emotionally unavailable.

If planning a weekend getaway feels like pulling teeth, or they squirm at the mere mention of long-term plans, then you might be dealing with someone who’s emotionally unavailable.

It’s not about rushing into anything, but a healthy relationship involves envisioning a shared future.

6) You’re often left feeling emotionally exhausted

This isn’t something you should have to feel.

Love shouldn’t leave you feeling drained or worn out. If you’re constantly expending emotional energy trying to draw them out, comfort them, or understand them, with little reciprocation, it’s a clear sign of emotional unavailability.

Now, don’t be too hard on yourself. We often care so deeply that we’re willing to give our all, even when the return is minimal. It’s a testament to your capacity for love and compassion.

But remember, a relationship should also replenish you, not just deplete you. It’s crucial to look after your own emotional health too.

7) They’re stuck in the past

If they’re constantly reminiscing about their past or ex-partners, it’s a significant red flag.

Being unable to move forward indicates emotional unavailability. Their heart and mind are still tied up with what was, leaving little room for what could be – a fulfilling relationship with you.

It’s not about competing with their past, but being able to create a new future together. If they’re stuck in the rearview mirror, they’re unlikely to fully commit to the journey ahead.

Final thoughts

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, know this – it’s not your fault.

Being in love with someone who’s emotionally unavailable is a complex and often painful experience. But recognizing these signs is the first step towards change.

Take heart in this – awareness is powerful. With it, you can start to make conscious decisions about what you want and deserve from a relationship.

Remember, love is about connection and reciprocity. It should lift you up, not weigh you down.

Ask yourself – does this relationship bring me joy and fulfillment? Do I feel seen, valued, and loved?

It might be a tough journey, but trust me, it’s worth it. It’s about reclaiming your emotional well-being and opening up to the possibility of a love that reciprocates and fulfills you.

Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey. You deserve love that enriches your life, not one that leaves you constantly questioning your worth.

It’s not about finding the perfect person, but finding the person who’s perfect for you – one who’s ready to connect emotionally and journey through life with you.